Went to see Pirates 3. The power failed at the cinema right before the credits rolled, but at least we didn’t miss anything (except the scene after the credits doh). It was a good film.

The little kid at the start who sings inspired me. What was life like for people growing up in that era (18th century). Even later in the 19th century, think of Oliver Twist style era. This post on slashdot, Old vs New sort of raised the same question that was lurking in my mind. Back in olden times where technology might have been less complex (overall), the schooling necessary to function in the real world would not have taken 10-12 or more years of a childs life (as it does today), but also the opportunites and dreams of people in this time would have been vastly different. Back then, a child would have been considered an adult at a much younger age than today. When I think about what I seem to waste my time doing (tv/movies, gaming, computer stuff, work (which in itself is computer stuff) and even other activities with friends) most of these things would not have existed even 50 years ago. What would people my age have been doing 50, 100 and even 200 years ago? (for the mathematically challenged; 1957, 1907, 1807, but the 07 bit doesn’t matter). In older times obviously the difference of class would have had a greater impact than today (or is it the same today, just in disguise). The children of well off people would obviously have had more schooling and ettique training but might have not have had as much fun (more rules/controls imposed on them by parents/society). Is that the way our world works today ? Perhaps a class divide exists between those struggling from pay cheque to pay cheque against those who can rely on mommy and daddy’s wealth to get them out of trouble, and such have more fun by trying things without caring about the outcome. I don’t know why but I think the poorer classes seem to have more fun in many ways, though I think that kids character who got hung wouldn’t have thought so.

(I overthink everything). But if I ever came across a time machine, I’d love to study the changes to society over the last 500 or so years. Social attitudes, language changes and so on, would be an amazing thing to see first hand. And the logical extension from that is knowing how much things have changed over the last 200 years, just think what will happen over the next 200 years.

If you’ve been wondering what’s been going on with me lately, well lets just say I’ve been under alot of stress and pressure lately. Too much has been going on. A soft core bucks night, a Wedding, an engagement party, lots of crap at work, lots of bollocks at home and in between. Hosting stuff, non hosting stuff, gaming stuff, lame stuff, and no way near enough sleeping or routine. I even started eating breakfast again for the first time in ages, though that’s because I realised I do need to get fit again (again ? haha I haven’t been fit in ages) or at least loose a bit of excess weight, and getting a better diet is a part of that. I was going to the gym a bit more too, but that slowed down because I can’t seem to sustain going there regularly.

My world has been coming apart at the seams again. I’m not achieving anything and seem to have little spare time. Some times I think I need an O(1) scheduler for my day to day tasks and activities.

I think I figured out what my problem is. I’m an internet addict!

A pizza of radius z and thickness a has a volume of pi z z a

This post will involve a few lines of what’s on my mind (or been on my mind over the past few months). Nothing of real substance, just a glimpse into the darkness. The prompt for this was a few things. I’m not ready to talk about them yet, but you could liken one of them to a life changing event (and no I wasn’t abducted by aliens or otherwise), and another might have been related to some therapy sessions which I think might be helping, but I think too much.

• You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. Leads to regret. But don’t regret what you did, only what you didn’t do.
• Take first option and miss out on better ones later, but don’t over think everything. I like sitting on the fence with decisions.
• Live every moment like it’s the last. But what about regret. Sure you learn from mistakes but argh over thinking.
• By trying to fit in, I exclude myself. I don’t know what or who I like, and I have little style myself, so argh.
• Socially withdrawn. Exclusion. Depression etc.
• To quieten the noise in my head I do nothing. The voices in my head race around at full speed 24/7. I find it hard to sleep.
• I need to become a pet. That way decisions are taken care of for me. Someone needs to adopt me!

I find I have trouble making even the most basic decisions. What do I have for dinner? Suppose I could have this or that, or if I can’t decide maybe I’m not really hungry so I’ll skip dinner. I seem to avoid making decisions where possible. The effort expended in analysing the possible outcomes seems to be vastly out of proportion to the importance of the decision itself. Like I shouldn’t really care what I have for dinner, because if I had 2 options, I could have the other one the following night (for example). It doesn’t really matter, but to me some how for some reason it does.

Ooh more recently than the ones above; I don’t feel cool around normal people like in public places or on public transport. I feel like I don’t fit in, or like I’m not welcome or shouldn’t be there. Do I have cool clothes? In fact, I buy clothes like a kid does because thats what I like. I mean, I buy clothes because I need them (say you out grew something or it’s got holes in it, so you replace it). That’s how I shop, not because I’m after something new to make a different impression. See I don’t know what to aim for in that area, I don’t know what I like or should like.

That gets onto shopping. I shop with specific items in mind. I’ll go to a shop to get x and only get that. Browsing is ok for some things, dvd’s, games, maybe shirts. But I feel like people are watching me. Also stuff I don’t understand/know about makes me feel out of place. eg shopping around the cd area (I don’t grep music). So I end up going to a shopping centre to go to 1 shop for 10 minutes to get 1 item. I basically avoid any interaction with anyone. Not deliberately, but I feel uncomfortable. The variables are too great to understand, so I avoid them.

Chatting to new people is another good one. I tend to very quickly resort to talking about work, because I feel there’s not much else I do. But of course that’s boring to people both in and out of IT. The alternative is to talk about the other person, but most people don’t like talking about themselves too much too, it’s like I’m prying into their lives or thoughts, but just because I’d prefer that to standing there in awkward silence.

Oh and one other thing. Since Subway West Perth changed hands, my life has been turned up side down for no apparent reason. I’m just like omgwtf.

Why does my mind hate me ? I need freedom from the voices in my head. Is sanity statistical?

Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows.
– Winston Smith (from Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell)

As I close off a chapter in my life, a new one has begun. This is 2 fold, firstly finally obtaining more money off Rivon from the WCG fiasco, though he’s still short I got bored of arguing over petty amounts of money with him and I’m lucky I got anything out of him before giving up. The second reason it’s a change in chapter is I’ve sold ALL of my 250gb and 300gb disks. In fact I’ve been selling lots of things lately, Guitar Hero for Playstation2 (both), ummm, maybe it is just those 2 things.

We had a buck’s party for Andrew Weighell. This was the first buck’s party I went to that lacked a stripper or at least topless waitresses. I guess Elise is trying to keep him honest even now !

Following the bucks party Russ and I went for a round of golf down at Secret Harbour. The course was really nice, hard but nice. My first few holes were shocking, but after that I had some solid shots and it started to be much more fun. I didn’t lose a ball in the Canyon of Doom either. But later on the course ate several balls, in everything from heavy rough to water.

In TV viewing, Jericho is heating up to a shocker of a end of season cliff hanger. The show is great. My Wednesday night Babylon 5 session is progressing well, last week we watched up to Severed Dreams (3×10), which puts us spot on half way through the show. The War at Home season 2 has finished, and from what I’ve read it has been renewed for another season, yay hooray. Unfortunately I haven’t seen all of season 1 yet, so I might have to buy the dvd. Oh but Hollywood doesn’t want me to do that because of region coding and not releasing the disks here. Grumbles.

Speaking of dvd’s. I bought Kenny for $16, bargain. I also bought an upscaling dvd player on ebay, from a seller who won’t communicate. For fucks sake, I go from bad ebay scamsters to worse. If there’s no dvd player waiting for me at work by Thursday I’m reversing the payment and leaving bad feedback, which of course will cause me to get more bad feedback. Fucking ebay. Fucking crap. Maybe the world is out to get me after all.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you’re radioactive goo.